A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him,
“Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.”
“I know” said the man, “but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone.”
Two lazy-bones are fast asleep.
A thief comes in, pulls the blanket from the bed, and makes off with it.
One of them is aware of what happened and says to the other, ‘Get up! Go after the guy who stole our blanket!’
The other responds, ‘Forget it. When he comes back to take the mattress, let’s grab him then.’
The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the examination was complete, he said: “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”
“Okay,” said the man.
“Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
A blond becomes terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded… “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”, asked the doctor.”
“No, from skipping everywhere.”
Wife was massaging her husband’s head.
Wife: You always ask for a head massage. Wonder who gave it to you before marriage.
Husband: Well no one did, I didn’t need one since there was no headache!
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.
“Ohhh, it’s my girlfriend.” “What’s the problem?”
“When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.”
