Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands.
The first woman says, “Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn’t there!”
“I know!” the next woman says, “Last night my husband said he was going to his brother’s house, but when I called he wasn’t there.”
The third woman says, “I always know where my husband is.”
“Impossible!” both women exclaim, “He has you completely fooled!”
“Oh no,” says the woman. “I’m a widow.”
A new widowed requested the epitaph ‘Rest in Peace’ for her husband’s tombstone.
When she later found he had left his fortune to his mistress, she attempted to get the engraver to change the carving.
This was impossible, the words were chiseled and could not be changed.
“In that case,” she said. “Please add ‘Till We Meet Again’.”
Wife not taking chances.
Every day Francesca went to the cemetery in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband Enzo.
When she was finished she always walked backwards when leaving the grave.
One day her friend Bianca asked, “Francesca why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards?”
Francesca answered, “When Enzo was alive he always told me, ‘You’ve got such a great eyes it could bring a dead man back to life.’ So I’m not taking any chances!”
Two men were talking about their wives.
The first man says, “My wife is an angel.”
The second man says,
“You’re lucky! Mine’s still alive.”
Machine and Bottle.
After the birth of their first child Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order.
They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.
The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be employed should they become severely injured.
Tom spoke up, “I don’t want my life regulated by some machine. I just can’t stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle.”
Sarah took Tom’s words to heart. When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom’s beer.
