A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders.
The guard asks, “What’s in the bags?”
The fellow says, “Sand.”
The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects… only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border.
Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated.
“What have you there?”
“Sand.”
“We want to examine.”
Same results… nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again.
Every two weeks for six months, the inspections continue. Finally, one week the fellow doesn’t show up. The guard sees him downtown and says to the fellow, “Buddy, you had us crazy! We sort of knew you were s.m.u.g.g.l.ing something. I won’t say anything – what were you sm*ggling?”
The fellow says, “Bicycles.”
A police officer stops a minivan full of elderly ladies being driven by an old gentleman because they’re only going 25 mph, stopping the mid-day traffic.
The policeman asks the driver why is he going so slow.
“Well that’s the speed limit, isn’t it! There was a sign saying 25 and everything!” the driver defends himself.
The policeman sighs, “No, sir, that’s the number of the highway you’re on. It has nothing to do with the speed limit.”
“Oh, so that’s what it means…” says the driver, looking shocked.
The officer looks at the rest of the van and notices the grannies are looking somewhat frozen and stiff.
“What’s up with the ladies?” he asks the driver.
“Um…” the driver scratches his head, “you see, we just got off highway 150…”
A limousine had encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change when a small mini also drives up.
The haughty businessman int he back of the limousine started bragging to the mini owner. “This is the best limo that money can buy. It has ABS, airbags for all passengers, automatic climate control, on-board computer control system, photo-chromatic glass, mini bar, a television with satellite dish embedded in the roof, and this, and this…”
At this point the mini owner interrupted. “But do you have a video screen in there?”
The light changed just then, and the limo driver pulled off. The businessman in back felt a bit down that he didn’t have this simple item, and that very day had one installed in the limo.
A few days passed, and again the limo was at a traffic light when the businessman spotted the mini. It was pulled over to a side, with the glass all steamed up, and steam coming from a half open window.
Upon seeing this, the businessman got out of his car and knocked on the window of the mini. After a few moments, the mini owner poked his head out.
“I installed a Blu-Ray in my limo,” said the businessman proudly.
“What!?!’ the mini-man responded.
“You got me out of the shower for THAT?”
