Jerald and Catherine had been married for 37 years, before Jerald decided to leave his wife for his secretary.
The divorce was long and messy, as there were a lot of assets to be divided between them. Jerald’s girlfriend demanded that he be the one to keep their multi-million dollar house so that she could live there, so Catherine was kicked out.
Catherine was only given three days to pack her things and leave the house, but was allowed to be there by herself to do so. She spent a couple days packing 37 years of belongings into boxes and suitcases before movers came to take it all away.
On the last day in her home, she made one final meal for herself consisting of shrimp, caviar and white wine. After she was done, she had a brilliant idea. Catherine went to every room in the house and stuffed caviar-dipped shrimp shells inside every curtain rod. She then cleaned up and left the house for good.
Jerald subsequently moved in with his girlfriend, and the two quickly settled. Within a week, however, the house started smelling terrible. The couple tried everything they could to get rid of the terrible smell but nothing worked. They even went so far as to replace the carpets.
After a month, the couple gave up and decided to sell the home. Nobody would go inside the house, let alone buy it, so the real estate agent ultimately gave up on trying to sell it. Jerald then called Catherine, knowing she loved the house, and offered it back to her at a tenth of its price. She accepted, but told them to pack up and leave right away. She gave them a week to move all their things into a new home — even the curtain rods.
Revenge time
A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher.
The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.”
He smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not run a red light’ five hundred times.”
A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about.
The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet really stunk, even if he washed them constantly. He was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast. His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance. The son thought about this and went along happy.
The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem. Her morning breath was horrid. Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath. The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world. The mother thought about this and came up with this bright idea. She told her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don’t say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while others are eating. The young woman thought and then ran off to get ready for the wedding, happy.
The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences. One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing. He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what’s wrong.
With a look of shock on his face, the young man says, “Oh my God, you’ve swallowed my sock!”
