At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.
“No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.”
“I don’t know about that,” huffily answered a woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.”
“You’ll let it out some day,” the man insisted.
“I hardly think so!” responded the lady. “When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.”
This 89 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, “What did you steal?”
She replied, “A can of peaches.”
The judge asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.
Then the judge asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied 6.
The judge said, “Then I will give you 6 days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked, the judge if he could say something on his wifes behalf.
The judge said, “What is it?”
The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”
On their 50th wedding anniversary
and during the banquet celebrating it, Susan was asked to give her friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
“Tell us Susan, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your husband?”
Susan responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”
Jill and John got married.
John thought this would be a ‘marriage of the 90’s’ — equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn’t impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, ‘Poached? I wanted scrambled!’
Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn’t having any of it. ‘Do you think I don’t like variety? I wanted poached this morning!’
