Several men are sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.
After a round, showering, and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.
One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H – Husband, W – Wife)
H – “Hello?”
W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
H – “Yes.”
W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
H – “What’s the price?”
W – “Only $1,000.”
H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
W – “Ah, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2019 models. I saw one I liked. It’s a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
H – “What price did he quote you?”
W – “Only $1,65,000…”
H – “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”
H – “What?”
W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property.”
H – “How much are they asking?”
W – “Only $14,50,000 — a magnificent price… and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $14,20,000. OK?”
W – “OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! You’re the best Husband in the world. I love you!!!”
H – “Bye… I love you too…”
The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap.
The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.
The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks: “Does anyone know who this Cell phone belongs to … ???”
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed, each reading a book.
Suddenly the wife closes her book, looks over at her husband and asks a sensitive question.
Wife: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
Husband: What? Definitely not!
Wife: Why not? Don’t you like being married?
Husband: Well, of course, I do.
Wife: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
Husband: Okay, okay, I’d get married again.
Wife: You would? (with a hurt look)
Husband: (makes audible groan)
Wife: Would you live in our house?
Husband: Sure, it’s a great house.
Wife: Would you sle*p with her in our bed?
Husband: Where else would we sle*p?
Wife: Would you let her drive my car?
Husband: Probably, it’s almost new.
Wife: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
Husband: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Wife: Would you give her my jewelry?
Husband: No, I’m sure she’d want her own.
Wife: Would you take her golfing with you?
Husband: Sure, golfing together is always fun.
Wife: Would she use my clubs?
Husband: Of course not, she’s left-handed.
Wife: — silence —
Husband: Sh*t.
