Eighty-nine-year-old Harold Jenkins walked into an Apple Store one morning, wearing suspenders, a fishing hat, and a serious look on his face.
Clutched in his hand was an iPhone that looked like it had been through World W.ar III. The screen was cracked, the case was taped, and there was a sticker on the back that said, “Don’t touch, I bite.”
He approached the young employee at the Genius Bar, a guy named Kyle with a man bun, who smiled and said, “Hi there, sir! How can I help you today?”
Harold leaned in and whispered, “My phone is possessed.”
Kyle blinked. “I’m sorry… possessed?”
Harold nodded gravely. “Every morning it talks to me before I’ve even had my coffee. And it keeps asking me if I want to update. Update what? My will?”
Kyle chuckled politely. “Well sir, sometimes the phone will prompt you for updates to keep things running smoothly.”
Harold narrowed his eyes. “It also keeps calling some lady named Siri. I didn’t authorize that relationship.”
Kyle smiled. “Siri’s your voice assistant. You can ask her questions.”
Harold raised an eyebrow. “I asked her if I could eat bacon every day and she told me to ask my doctor. That’s not helpful. That’s betrayal.”
Trying to keep things moving, Kyle took the phone and started to run diagnostics. “Okay, looks like it’s running a little slow…”
Harold nodded. “Just like me. Maybe we’re bonded.”
Kyle smiled. “When did the issues start?”
Harold said, “Well, I think it all went downhill after I tried to take a selfie.”
Kyle laughed. “And what happened?”
Harold looked around, leaned in like he was telling a state secret, and whispered, “It reversed the camera and showed me my own face. I thought someone broke into the house. I dropped the phone and yelled, ‘Stranger danger!’”
Kyle was now openly laughing. “Okay, I think we just need to update the software and clean up some files.”
Harold squinted. “Will that make the weather app stop lying? It told me it would be sunny yesterday, and I got rained on walking to the mailbox. I looked like a wet squirrel.”
Kyle, now tears in his eyes, said, “I’ll do my best.”
Thirty minutes later, everything was fixed. Kyle handed the phone back.
Harold looked at it, then said, “So… now I can watch my YouTube videos again?”
Kyle nodded. “Absolutely.”
Harold grinned. “Perfect. I follow a channel that teaches you how to fix tractors with only duct tape and spite.”
As he got up to leave, Harold patted Kyle on the shoulder and said, “Thanks, son. You may have saved my phone… and my marriage. My wife told me if I asked her one more time how to make the flashlight turn off, she was going to bury it—and me—with the cat.”
And with that, he shuffled out of the store, triumphant.
An 85-year-old man named Harold went to the doctor to get his hearing checked
An 85-year-old man named Harold went to the doctor to get his hearing checked.
The doctor examined him and said, “Good news! We have a brand-new, state-of-the-art hearing aid that will restore your hearing to 100%.”
Harold was thrilled. “That’s wonderful, doc! How does it work?”
The doctor showed him the tiny device and explained, “It’s nearly invisible and fits perfectly in your ear. You’ll hear everything crystal clear.”
Harold got fitted with the hearing aid and left the clinic, overjoyed.
A month later, he came back for a follow-up visit.
The doctor smiled and asked, “So, Harold, how’s your new hearing aid working?”
Harold grinned. “Doc, it’s amazing! I can hear perfectly!”
The doctor nodded. “I bet your family is thrilled to finally have conversations with you again.”
Harold chuckled. “Oh, I haven’t told them yet. I just sit there, listening… and I’ve already changed my will three times!”
