Jay observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Unique Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down.
The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.
Jay: “What`s your `Unique Breakfast?`”
Waitress”Baked tongue of chicken.”
Jay: “Baked tongue of chicken?… Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken`s mouth!”
Undaunted, the waitress asked, “What would you like then?”
“Just bring me scrambled eggs,” Jay replied.
Arthur waved down the waiter with a polite but pained smile.
“Could I speak to the manager, please?”
Minutes later, the manager arrived—young, confident, and clearly expecting a routine complaint.
“Good evening, sir,” he said, folding his hands. “I understand there’s a problem?”
Arthur nodded slowly, wiping the corners of his mouth with a napkin before speaking.
“Yes, there is. But first… I’d like to compliment you.”
The manager blinked, caught off guard. “Oh? On what, exactly?”
“Your kitchen,” Arthur said, his voice measured and calm.
“The kitchen?” the manager repeated, puzzled. “Have you been back there?”
Arthur looked him square in the eye. “No. But it must be clean…”
The manager tilted his head. “Why’s that?”
Arthur leaned forward slightly, deadpan.
“Because everything on my plate tastes like soap.”
A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
She was still feeling bloated from lunch, so she was fearful of farting in front of her date, who hadn’t arrived yet.
It wasn’t long before she actually did let one out, but she managed to cover up the sound with a fake cough.
She continued waiting for her date to arrive, but wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
As she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.
Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands “Stop that!”
The waiter looks at her dryly and says
“Certainly, madam. Which way was it headed?”
