A blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her,

“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love and your prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to commend you and to grant you anything you wish.”

“Oh, Father, I am perfectly happy. I do what I love. The Church supports me. I am content. I need nothing.”

“There must be something you would like,” said God.

Well, there is one thing.”

“Name it,” said God. She frowned.

“It’s those blonde jokes. They’re so demeaning, not just to me but to blondes everywhere. Can you stop them?”

“Consider it done,” said God.

“Blonde jokes are hereby stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But isn’t there something I could do just for you?”

“Well, there’s one thing. But it’s really small and not worth Your time,” she said.

“Tell me, please!” said God.

“It’s the M&M’s,” she said. “They’re so hard to peel!”

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A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face.

She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles.

Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.

Finally the little girl asks, “Grandpa, did God make you?”

“He sure did honey, a long time ago,” replies her grandpa.

“Well, did God make me?” asks the little girl.

“Yes, He did, and that wasn’t too long ago,” answers her grandpa.

“Boy,” says the little girl, “He’s sure doing a lot better job these days isn’t He?”

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A man is trying to understand the nature of God, time, and the Universe. He asks God,

“How long is a billion years to you?”

God says, “A billion years is like a second to me.”

The man asks, “Well, how much is a billion dollars to you?”

God says, “A billion dollars is like a penny to me.”

So the man says, “God, can I have a penny?”

And God replies, “In a sec.”