A doctor and an engineer entered a chocolate store.
As they were busy looking around, the doctor stole 3 chocolate bars.
As they left the store, the doctor said to engineer, “Man! I’m the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can’t beat that.”
The engineer replied, “Okay, you wanna see something better? Let’s go back to the store and I’ll show you real stealing.”
So they both went up to the counter and the engineer said to the shop boy, “Hey, would you like to see some magic?”
The shop boy replied, “Yes!”
The engineer said, “Give me one chocolate bar.” The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it… He asked for the second, and he ate that one as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too.
The shop boy asked, “Okay, what are you trying to pull here? Where’s the magic?”
The engineer replied, “Check in my friend’s pocket. You’ll find all three bars.”
This 89 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, “What did you steal?”
She replied, “A can of peaches.”
The judge asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.
Then the judge asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied 6.
The judge said, “Then I will give you 6 days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked, the judge if he could say something on his wifes behalf.
The judge said, “What is it?”
The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”
After a meeting several days ago, I couldn’t find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal “TSA Pat Down.”
They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. He’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.”
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. “Are you kidding me?” he barked, “I dropped you off!”
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, can you come and get me?”
He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your car!”
Welcome to the golden years…
