This story doesn’t make you cry laughing, let me know—I’ll say a prayer for you.
A happily married couple had only one major issue in their relationship: the husband’s morning routine of farting like a foghorn.
Every day, his wife would wake up to the thunderous blasts, gasping for air as the noxious fumes made her eyes water.
“Please, for the love of all things holy, STOP!” she begged him daily.
“I can’t help it,” he’d say. “It’s totally natural!”
She warned him, “One day, you’re going to blow your guts out.”
The years rolled by, and so did his morning explosions. Then came Christmas morning. As the wife was preparing the turkey, she stared at the pile of innards—gizzard, liver, neck, and all—and a brilliantly wicked idea struck her.
She crept upstairs, where her husband was still snoozing, gently pulled back the covers, and ever so carefully tipped the entire bowl of turkey guts into his underwear before tucking him back in.
A while later, the house shook with his usual morning eruption—only this time, it was followed by a bloodcurdling scream. The sound of frantic footsteps pounded toward the bathroom.
The wife collapsed on the floor, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.
Twenty minutes later, the husband emerged, pale as a ghost, in his now blood-streaked underwear. His face was a mask of horror.
Trying to keep a straight face, his wife asked, “What happened?”
He gulped. “Honey… you were right. All these years, you warned me, but I never listened.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, barely holding it together.
“Well… it finally happened. I farted my guts out.”
He shuddered, then added, “But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers… I think I got most of them back in.”
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
A married couple is sleeping
A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM.
The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, “How am I supposed to know? We’re 200 miles inland!” and hangs up.
Her husband rolls over and asks, “Sweetheart, who was that?”
“I don’t know, some dumb b!tch asking if the coast is clear.”
An elderly couple were going to bed
An elderly couple were going to bed!
The old man was sleepy and trying to sleep when his wife said, “Remember how when we were just married you would hold my hand and wish me good night!”
The old man grudgingly extended his hand to hold her hand and said, “Good night!”
Just as he was about to doze off she said, “You would then kiss me lovingly!”
Again the old man a bit more cheesed off gave her a gentle kiss on her cheeks.
Just as he was about to fall asleep again she said, and then you would give me a bite on my neck!
The old man tossed away his blanket and got off the bed.
“Where are you going now?” she asked.
“To bring my damn teeth!”
