One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car,
and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden, an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver’s side door with him standing right there.
“NOOO!” he screamed.
Because he knew that no matter how much a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.
Finally, a policeman came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling.
“MY BMW’S DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!” he exclaimed.
“You’re a lawyer aren’t you?” asked the policeman.
“Yes, I am. But what does this have to do with my car?” the lawyer asked.
“HA!” the policeman replied. “You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about are your possessions. I bet you didn’t even notice that your left arm is missing did you?” the cop said.
The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed: “MY ROLEX!!”
A lawyer and two friends–a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man–had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn.”
“No problem,” chimed the Rabbi. “My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening.” With that he departed to the barn, and the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn. “What’s wrong?” asked the farmer. He replied, “I am grateful to you, but I just can’t sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal.”
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door. “What’s wrong?” the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, “I, too, am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn. In my country cows are considered sacred and I can’t sleep on holy ground!”
That left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer’s door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.
A well dressed lawyer went into a bar for a martini and found himself beside a scrungy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand.
The attorney leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks like plastic.”
Then he rolled it between his fingers adding, “But it feels like rubber.”
Curious, the lawyer asked, “What do you have there mister?”
The drunk stammered, “Damn if I know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber.”
The lawyer said, “Let me take a look.”
And the drunk handed it over. The attorney rolled it between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely.
“Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don’t know what it is. Where did you get it anyway?”
The drunk replied, “Out of my nose.”
