A priest decides one mid weekday to visit one of his elderly parishoners, Mrs. Smith.
He rings the door bell and Mrs. Smith appears.
“Good Day Mrs. Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how your are doing.”
The woman says, “Oh just fine Father, come on in and we`ll have some tea.”
While sitting a the coffee table, the priest notices a bowl of almonds on the table. “Mind if I have one?”, the priest says.
“Not at all, have as many as you like”.
After a few hours the priest looks at his watch and alarmed at how long he has been visting says to Mrs Smith, “Oh my goodness, look at the time. I must be going. Oh dear, I`ve eaten all your almonds. I`ll have to replace them next time I visit.”
To which Mrs Smith replied, “Oh don`t bother, Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, it`s all I can do just to lick the chocolate off them.”
There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I`ll quit!”
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”. This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.
About a week after the new priest arrived. He visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.”
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, “I don`t know what you`re laughing about, your wife fell three times this week.”
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day.
They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach. Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the beach to the lake and jumped in the water for a long, refreshing swim.
Refreshed, they were halfway back up the beach to the spot they’d left their clothes, when a group of ladies from town came along.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover in the bushes.
After the ladies wandered on and the men got dressed again, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, “I don’t know about you, but in my congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”
