A young guy and girlfriend were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts.”
“Well, uh, I was thinkin’. . . perhaps it’s about time for a kiss.”
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again.
“Another penny for your thoughts, honey.”
The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this time.”
“Really?” said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
“Don’t you think it’s about time you pay me that first penny?”, said the guy.
Bob went over to his friend Joe’s house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife.
He often told her how attractive she was, complimented her on her cooking and showered her with hugs and kisses.
“Gee,” Bob remarked later, “you really make a big fuss over your wife”.
“I started to appreciate her more about six months ago,” Joe said. “It has revived our marriage and we couldn’t be happier.”
Inspired, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife and told her how much he loved her and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears.
“Honey,” Bob said, “whats’ the matter?”.
“This has been the worst day,” she replied. “This morning Billy fell off his bike and broke his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk!“.
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in their marriage. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable – an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?”
“Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”
