Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is?
Well here is the answer:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7—year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time, just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.
“Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?”
“Oh yes, Papa” the girl replied, “and do you know what? We didn’t see a single a——hole, stupid basta——, or dumb sh—— anywhere we went today!”
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson.
He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, snacks, all sorts of things.
The grandad is saying in a controlled voice:“Easy, William, we won’t be long… easy boy.”
Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart. Grandad says again in a controlled voice :“William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”
Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
She says : “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad.”
“Thanks,” says the grandpa. “But I am William. The little bugger’s name is Kevin!”
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
Boss: Do you think you can come in on Saturday? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here.
Employee: Yeah, no problem. I’ll probably be late though as public transport on weekends is slow.
Boss: What time will you get here?
Employee: Monday.
God’s watching…
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: ‘Take only ONE . God is watching.’
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples’.
A grandmother is giving directions to her grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
“You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push third floor. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”
“What… You’re coming empty-handed?”
