One day a father gets out of work, and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday.
He dashes over to a toy shop and asks the sales person: “How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?”
The salesperson returns: “Which one do you mean, Sir? We have Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $199.95.”
The amazed father asks: “How much?! Why is the divorced Barbie $199.95 and the others only $19.95?”
The annoyed salesperson sighs and answers: “Sir, the other Barbies only come with an outfit. Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer and one of Ken’s best friends.”
This redneck was parked behind a trailer load of pigs near the zoo in Washington, DC.
As the truck drove away–one of the pigs fell out.
The redneck walked over and picked the pig up and placed it in the front seat of his truck.
He was sitting there looking puzzled when a policeman walked up and asked what was going on.
He told the story and the policeman recommended he take the pig to the zoo.
The redneck was sitting in the same spot the next day with the pig sitting up in the front seat.
The cop said “didn’t I ask you to take this pig to the zoo?”
The redneck replied “I did and he liked it so well–today I’m taking him to the movies!”
The teacher asks Joanie,
“If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter and another quarter and then another quarter, how much would you have left?”
Joanie replies, “A million dollars minus 75 cents.”
