Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal, and said to the first man he meets,
“Do you want to go to heaven?”
The man said, “I do, Father.”
The priest said, “Then leave this pub right now!” and approached a second man. “Do you want to go to heaven?”
“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply.
“Then leave this den of Satan,” said the priest, as he walked up to O’Toole.
“Do you want to go to heaven?”
“No, I don’t, Father,” O’Toole replied.
The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, “You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”
O’Toole smiled, “Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers
was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.”
Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, “I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!”
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, “Well… every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'”
A man is trying to understand the nature of God, time, and the Universe. He asks God,
“How long is a billion years to you?”
God says, “A billion years is like a second to me.”
The man asks, “Well, how much is a billion dollars to you?”
God says, “A billion dollars is like a penny to me.”
So the man says, “God, can I have a penny?”
And God replies, “In a sec.”
