Grandma Ethel invited three friends to celebrate her 90th birthday.
She bought some pastries and a cake, left them on the kitchen table, and wrote herself a reminder:
Brew coffee.
Serve pastries.
Serve cake.
Her friends arrived. Ethel went to the kitchen, took the note, and read:
Brew coffee.
She made coffee and served it to her friends. After they finished, she went back to the kitchen, took the note again, and read:
Brew coffee.
So, she made another pot of coffee. And then another. She did this five times.
After two hours, her friends got up to leave. As soon as they stepped outside, one of them said:
“Ethel is so rude—we sat there for two hours, and she didn’t even offer us coffee!”
The second one asked:
“Wait, were we at Ethel’s house?”
And the third one said:
“Who is Ethel?”
Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Ethel looked at the untouched pastries and cake and muttered:
“Why the hell did I even buy this? The witches never showed up!”
94-year-old Grandma Ethel walks into a church
94-year-old Grandma Ethel walks into a church and heads straight for the confession booth.
She steps inside and sits down, and the priest on the other side says, “Welcome, my child. What would you like to confess?”
Ethel clears her throat and says, “Father, I have a confession. Last night, I went out with a 22-year-old man. He took me to dinner, we danced, we laughed, and then…” she pauses dramatically, “we went back to his place.”
The priest, stunned, asks, “And… did something inappropriate happen?”
Ethel cackles. “Of course not! But I stayed out past midnight, ate cheesecake, and had two margaritas! At my age, that’s basically a sin!”
The priest chuckles. “My child, why are you confessing this?”
Ethel grins. “Because, Father, at 94, I just love telling people about it!”
