A man came to a Hakim’s clinic in Lucknow complaining of severe stomach pain.
The Hakim understood it was a case of constipation.
Hakim asked: How far is your house from here?
Patient: Two kilometers.
The Hakim did some calculations on his calculator and poured four spoonfuls of medicine from a bottle into a small bowl.
Hakim: Did you come by vehicle or on foot?
Patient: On foot.
The Hakim did some more calculations and removed a little medicine from the bowl.
Hakim: Which floor is your house on?
Patient: Third floor.
The Hakim calculated again and took out a bit more medicine from the bowl.
Hakim: One last question. How far is the toilet from your house’s main gate?
Patient: Twenty feet.
The Hakim made one final calculation and removed a little more medicine from the bowl.
Hakim: Now, pay for the medicine first, then drink it, and rush straight home without stopping. Call me afterward.
The patient followed the instructions exactly.
Half an hour later, the patient called, speaking in a weak voice, “Hakim sahab, the medicine was fantastic, however, You did not calculate the time it takes to open the naada of the pyjama.”
Ralph came home drunk one night,
slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber…
He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said, “You died in your sleep Ralph.”
Ralph was stunned. “I’m dead? No I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”
St Peter said, “I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a lesser being. An animal.”
Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. “So you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?”
“Not bad,” replied Ralph the Hen, “but I have this strange feeling inside, like I’m going to explode.”
“You’re ovulating,” explained the rooster. “Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before!”
“Never.” said Ralph.
“Well just relax and let it happen,” says the rooster, “It’s no big deal.”
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg – his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell…
“RALPH wake up! You cr*pped the bed!”
