A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV.
The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head, she looks up and asks, “What are you staring at?”
“A spider,” he replies.
“I don’t see anything,” she says.
“Oh, it must have fallen on your head,” he said calmly.
The wife jumps up screaming…
The man says, “While you’re up, can you get me another drink?”
A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. “Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!”
The wife, startled at her husband’s reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.
“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”
The wife, concerned by the status of her husband’s mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.
“WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY???
Where are we going to get the butter? They’re going to stick! HURRY!”
The wife runs to the fri-
“CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don’t you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!”
At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.
She gasps “What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs.”
The husband simply smiles, remarks “I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I’m driving with you in the car”, and leaves.
A woman calls her husband at work.
Him: “I’m sorry dear but I’m up to my neck in work today.”
Her: “But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you dear.”
Him: “OK darling, but as I’ve got no time now, just give me the good news.”
Her: “Well, the air bag works.”
Two friends chatting in the bar.
“Man, me and my wife had a fight yesterday.”
“Oh yea, about what?”
“You see, I wanted to watch the game but she wanted to watch a movie.”
“So, how was the movie then?”
