John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant.
Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned.
Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “Oh, no he didn’t. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door.”
A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
She was still feeling bloated from lunch, so she was fearful of farting in front of her date, who hadn’t arrived yet.
It wasn’t long before she actually did let one out, but she managed to cover up the sound with a fake cough.
She continued waiting for her date to arrive, but wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
As she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.
Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands “Stop that!”
The waiter looks at her dryly and says
“Certainly, madam. Which way was it headed?”
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated.
All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly beautiful waitress came to his table. “What would you like, sir?”
He looks at the menu and then looks at her, then answers, “A quickie.” The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.
After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, “What would you like, sir?”
Again the man looks at her and answers, “A quickie, please.” This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding “SMACK!” and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers… “Um, I think it’s pronounced ‘Quiche.'”
