Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10.
That night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized he replied,” 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10″.
The teacher was confused so she asked the student,” Where is the 7″ he said,” my mom drank it last night!”
A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on.
He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and pushing the boots, she just didn’t want to go on. By the time she’d got the second boot on, she’d worked up a sweat.
That’s when the little boy said, ‘Mrs. Smith, they’re on the wrong feet.’
She looked, and sure enough, they were.
It wasn’t any easier getting them back off and re-put upon the correct feet. That’s when the little boy said, ‘These aren’t my boots. They’re my brothers. My mom made me wear them.’
She bit her tongue and managed to keep her cool. But she mustered up the courage one more time to wrestle those boots on his feet again. ‘Now,’ she said, ‘Where are your mittens?’
‘I stuffed them in the toes of my boots.’
Summer vacation was over and young Jack returned to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that Jack was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” mother said. “I had Jack with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
Little Johnny: “I’ve pissed may I go out?”
Teacher: “Piss is an impolite word instead you say I’ve number 1.”
Jimmy: “May I go out? I want to shit.”
Teacher: “Shit is also a bad word it is better to use number 2 instead.”
Ronald: “There is a wind in my belly give me please a number for it.”
A man is sent to prison for the first time.
At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, “Number twelve!” The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, “Number four!” Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.
The new guy asks his cellmate what’s going on. “Well,” says the older prisoner, “we’ve all been in this prison for so long. We all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke.”
So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, “Number twenty-nine!” This time the whole cell block rocks with the loudest laughter, prisoners rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.
When the guffaws die down, the bewildered new guy turns to the older prisoner and asks, “How come you guys were laughing so hard this time?”
“Oh,” says the older man wiping tears from his eyes, “we’d never heard that one before.”
