Losing a friend
A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks.
For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from Phantom of the Opera.
‘When you and I get out of here,’ he said to the fly, ‘we’re going to tour interesting spots and make a fortune.’
Finally the day arrived. The fly safely tucked away in his pocket, and the ex-con made his way to a restaurant to celebrate. He brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moon walking.
‘What about this fly, eh?’ he said to the waiter.
In one swift motion, the waiter reached for his copy of the newspaper, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe.
‘Glad you saw it,’ muttered the waiter. ‘Blasted things are everywhere.’
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate, “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
A young Australian couple recently moved to Florida
and their first experience with the humid environment was the presence of insects and flies.
They had a lot to contend with outside of the new environment, and the husband decided to take it upon himself to deal with the flies.
Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting Flies” He responded.
“Oh. K*lling any?” She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”
Had It All.
This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man.
I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.
He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
“I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”
“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “I was released from prison.”
