A man was drafted and sent to boot camp.
At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
He looked at his rifle and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again and then at the target again.He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.
The end of his finger was bl * wn off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, ‘It’s leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!’
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. ‘It’s a period,’ he replied.
‘I can see that,’ said the teacher, ‘but what is so exciting about a period?’
‘Darned if I know,’ chirped the little boy, ‘but this morning my sister was missing one, my mother fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy!’
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee –
OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!”
A customer walked into lightening store looking for decoration lights.
The attendant showed her top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked attendant to take them out of the box and plug them in. He did, and each one lit up.
“Great,” she said.
Attendant carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as hehanded them to her, she looked alarmed.
“I don’t want this box,” she said abruptly. “It’s been opened.”
One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food,
she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.
The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.
Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did.
She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!
