St Peter was manning the pearly gates when 40 New Yorkers showed up.
Never having seen anyone from the Big Apple at heaven’s door before, St Peter thought he had better consult God. So he left the group at the gates and went off to find God.
“I’ve got 42 people from New York,” said St Peter. “Is it safe to let them in?”
“New York, huh?” mused God. “We certainly don’t want heaven overrun with New Yorkers. Why don’t you just admit the ten most virtuous?”
St Peter went back to relay the news but a few minutes later returned to God in a state of anxiety.
“What’s happened?” asked God.
“They’ve gone,” gasped St Peter.
“What, all of the New Yorkers?”
“No, the pearly gates!”
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’“ and he left.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven?
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”
“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.
“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple. “Oh, come on!,” St. Peter shouted, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”
A lawyer and the pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The pope’s room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer’s room. It was huge with wall-to-wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, “There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope’s room!”
St Peter said, “There’s no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of popes, but you’re our very first Lawyer!”
