There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet.
She went to the doctor and asked for his advice.
He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days, “Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then skip the third day.”
So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day.
The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, “How is your diet?”
She said, “Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me really tired.”
A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads
“Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238” and decides to make the call. The operator asks, “How much weight do you want to lose?”
“Five pounds,” he replies.
“We’ll have a representative over in the morning,” says the operator.
About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, scantily-clad with a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me”.
The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. And he has her. After that, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 5 pounds!
That night he calls the number again and says, “I want to lose 10 pounds.”
“We’ll send someone over.”
The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me”. The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 10 pounds!
That night he calls and says, “I want to lose 20 pounds!”
“Twenty pounds?” the operator asks. “That’s an awful lot.”
The man replies, “Listen, just take care of it!”
About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I Catch You, I Can Have You”.
An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds.
He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favourite bakery.
One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffee cake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.
“This is a very special coffee cake,” he explained.
“I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning, and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, ‘Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffee cakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.’
“And sure enough,” he continued, “the eighth time around the block, there it was!”
