There’s a beer convention in town, and all the CEOs from all the beer companes are there.
During a break between seminars, a few of them went down to the hotel bar for a drink.
The Anheuser Busch CEO says to the bartender, “I’ll have a Budweiser, the King of Beers,” and he takes his drink and sits at a table.
The Coors CEO says, “I’ll have a Coors, Brewed with Pure Rocky Mountain Spring Water,” and joins the other CEO.
The Heineken CEO says, “I’ll have a Heineken, Lager Beer at its Best,” and he, too, sits at the table.
The Guinness CEO says, “I’ll have a glass of water, please,” and joins the others.
The other three CEOs look at him, puzzled, and one of them inquires, “You’re drinking water?”
“Yes,” he replies. “If you three aren’t drinking beer, then neither am I.”
A young executive was leaving the office of a major corporation late one evening
when he found the CEO himself standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
Eager to make a good impression, the young exec introduced himself and asked if he could be of any help.
“Why yes,” said the CEO, holding up the piece of paper. “This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young executive, happy for a chance to help the boss.
The young man turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I’ll need two copies.”
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing.
On the last day the departing manager tells him, “I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can’t solve.”
Three months down the track there is major drama, everything goes wrong – the usual stuff – and the manager feels very threatened by it all.
He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says “Blame your predecessor!”
He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems.
The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize!”
This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope.
The message inside says “Prepare three envelopes…”
