A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher’s counter.

The lady asks, “What in the world is that?”

“Beef tongue,” replies the butcher!

The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, “Ewww! Gross! No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal’s mouth!”

The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman’s shopping cart, “I see you’re buying a dozen eggs!”

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In order to pay his medical school tuition, Thomas Merrick was working two jobs over the summer.

By day, he worked at LeClaire’s Market—a butcher shop. He wore a stiff white coat splattered with crimson and trimmed fat.

By night, he transformed. Down at St. Ambrose Hospital, he traded cleavers for stretchers. As an orderly on the graveyard shift, his white coat now clean and crisp, worn over hospital scrubs.

One night, long past midnight, Thomas was called to prepare a patient for surgery. Room 216. Elderly woman. Appendectomy.

He arrived with his usual calm, smiled softly, gently eased the gurney beside her bed, and began to help the nurses ready her for the trip down to the OR.

She was pale. Small. Her eyes fluttered open, cloudy but alert. As Thomas leaned in to adjust the straps, the room froze. Her eyes locked onto him—wide, horrified. Her lips trembled.

Then, as if struck by lightning, she bolted upright and screamed with the terror of a woman who believed her last hour had come:

“God save me! It’s the butcher!”

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A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago.

He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there. When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greater benefits.

His co-worker said he should reconsider. Chicago was a magnificent city, with world class museums, loaded with a great history, sites, good public transportation, etc.

Then he said: “Why I myself worked in Chicago for almost 10 years, and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working.”

The first asked “What did you do there?”

To which the other replied, “I was tail-gunner on a bread truck.”

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A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marvels at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence.

“Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?”

“I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”

“You sell them here?” the customer asks.

“Only $4 each,” says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter.

“You didn’t eat enough,” says Green.

The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry.

“Hey, Green,” he says, “You’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You’re ripping me off!”

“You see?” says Green. “You’re smarter already.”