What WOULD You Like?

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.

“Would you like a new mink coat?” he asks.

“Not really,” says Mary.

“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.

“No,” she responds.

“Would some beautiful new jewelry do the trick?” he asks, becoming slightly exasperated.

“Nah…” she shrugs.

“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he persists.

She again rejects his offer with a “No thanks.”

“Well what WOULD you like?” John asks.

“I want a divorce.” answers Mary.

“Sorry,” John sighed. “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”

Two husbands were discussing their married lives.

Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes.

Then Chad said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word.”

“Wow!” said Sherm, “how did you manage that?”

“It’s easy,” replied Chad.

“My last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.’ ”

It was a few days before Valentine’s Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap.

After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day! What do you think it means?”

Her husband smiled. “Oh, I have a feeling you’ll know later tonight.” he said with a wink.

His wife squealed with joy.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it… only to find a book titled “The meaning of dreams.”

An absent-minded husband thought

he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary.

He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, Your loving husband.

His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until next year, on their anniversary, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly,

“Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?”

Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office.

A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them.

On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.

As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.

When he saw me, he shouted: “Are those potato chips?”